not really. it's been pouring pretty much all day. very gloomy. not that i really mind, because it matches my mood! it just kind of makes for a miserable day. at least i got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the 2nd bathroom. other than that, haven't done shit. oh yea, and i snooped through matt's phone. nothing new there, excpet him texting multiple friends to ask them to borrow money. which thankfully no one lent him any, cause then i would have to hear about it when matt didn't pay them back when he said he would. another thing is i found a parking pass to some condo development for saturday at like 3:30 AM. it's either a booty call or a drug dealer. i know i don't just visit my friends at that time unless we're all fucked up or looking to get fucked. that's just me though. so i'm pretty upset. not surprised though. i know that even if he hasn't been continuously doing coke, he at least did this weekend. no one can stay awake for over 48 hours drinking and not get any "help". and if he by some miracle did not do coke this weekend, then he probably most definitely cheated on me, and stayed at the girl's house for a while. i don't see any of his "friends" just letting him come over at that time to sleep it off, especially since he could have just come home. i'm pretty upset about the whole situation, but i feel like i should be more upset? i'm actually pretty calm about the whole thing. not calm... just numb? i don't know. i'm also still waiting to hear what's going to happen with this house. by wednesday a decision has to be made whether we're going to pay or move out. i don't know what to do. i love him so much, but i called an alcoholics anonymous hotline and talked to a guy there for a while. he said that if matt is not willing to change, i can't force him. obviously, i knew that, or he would've changed a long time ago. but no matter what i do, it doesn't help. so i'm thinking that whether we get evicted or not, maybe i should move back in with my mom anyways. oh and here come the tears. i really don't want to, but i won't live the rest of my life miserable with him. ahh i still have a lot to figure out.
ramble/over.
No comments:
Post a Comment