tired

okay so i have to have the house spotless and organized by monday. usually i can get it all done in 2 days max, but i'm having a hard time with it now. i'm so overwhelmed with cleaning and packing and not knowing what to do with anything. and then i move stuff around and get into it and i have to stop to rest because i start having contractions!!! this is a lot harder than it was when i was pregnant with zachary. we moved when i was a little over 8 months pregnant and i had no problems. this one, not so much. it kind of scares me. does this mean hailey is going to be a difficult baby too? and how the hell am i supposed to get everything done now? added to that, i didn't fall asleep til after 7 am today, and got up at 9:30, so i'm dead tired already. UGH! i'm such a whiny girl lol...

stressed :-/

what else is new?! well the owner of the townhouse we looked at the other day never called back about the association approval. i guess that's okay, there most likely would have been an extensive background check needed, and i really sis not want to deal with all the cleaning and painting anyways. so another townhouse just came up for rent a couple days ago, and we went to see it last night. it looks like it's in a pretty good neighborhood, it's a good size and it's clean. the only thing that bothers me is that it has this funky green carpet on the stairway and in both rooms upstairs. it's a brand spanking new carpet, and it doesn't look bad, i'm just not a fan of green. lol. so matt really liked it, and we decided we wanted it. it's our best option so far. so we gave sheila (realtor) a check for the first month's down payment, and we're getting all the paperwork for credit checks, background checks and proof of income. apparently the owners are not too picky, because they know we have horrible credit and about the issue on matt's background and they told us to still go ahead with the application. which doesn't mean that the house is ours yet, but it's getting there. hopefully we don't go through all this trouble for nothing! i hate to get my hopes up for nothing. even though i'm still stressing about the rest of the down payment. we won't get the security deposit until we move out, and we can't move anywhere until we have the security deposit as a down payment. so we might end up having to put our stuff in storage until we get the deposit back, and then move into the new house. this is what happens when you don't prepare. UGH! and i've still got a ton of cleaning and laundry to do that i've been procrastinating on...

and because i like to end on a good note, lol... i passed my primerica final exam yesterday! today my mom is coming over to help me with the bonus questions, and i'll be scheduling my state exam later today. then i have to go get my fingerprints done and i'll get a check for $500!!! which will help with either bills, saving for the down payment, or paying back paula for the check last night... then i have to get more appointments to make more money honey!!!

happy birthday bill!

not that he is EVER going to read this. but it's the thought that counts. happy 63rd birthday :-) i was supposed to go to the primerica training meeting tonight, promised my mom i'd be there, but what i completely forgot was that we had all planned on going out to dinner to celebrate bill's birthday. oops. obviously i can't really ditch the family, and i am NOT going to pass up a free meal at an awesome bbq restaurant. so primerica once again will have to wait. but tomorrow my mom is coming over to help me with the final exam, then i have to bust my ass studying and schedule the state exam! i have to get my license before we move!

i'm nervous. it takes a lot for me to study and grasp any subject, much less life insurance policies and variable annuities. and i still have to do major work on this house, because the landlords want to start showing it to prospective tenants before we move out. and of course there's the ever-demanding zachary to be taken care of. and i know i'm a bad mom and i will regret this in the future, but we just put a tv in his room last night, so that maybe he'll spend more time in there than tearing apart the rest of the house lol. we'll see.

we looked at a house yesterday. it's a 2 bedroom, 2-1/2 bathroom, 2 story townhouse with a mini garage and a screened in back patio right on the lake. it is actually a very good size, still would've preferred a 3 bedroom, but this one has both rooms big enough to keep her in our room or switch her to zachary's room later... the only problem is that the tenants there before left the place a COMPLETE disaster. furniture, clothes, toys, FOOD all left behind along with dirt and grime. so we're trying to figure something out with the owner that if we do all the cleaning and painting before we move in, if he'll let us skip one of the security deposits. all we're waiting on now is to find out if there's an association approval required for renters, and how they go about it. if they just look up the record, we won't get approved, but if we can meet with them, they might see that matt is not a bad guy and plus it happened so long ago! so hopefully we'll find that out by tonight. i'm really hoping for this place, it's still very close to my mom and paula, and literally right across the street from the hospital! eek. fingers crossed!

and now i have to do some cleaning. i'm supposed to be on bedrest (HA!) but i still have a lot to do. this house looks like a crackhead's hideout. so i have to do little by little, drink lots of water, and take breaks in between. ta-ta! <3

i hate hospitals

i was at the hospital til 2 am last night! on top of my blinding headache and excrutiating tooth pain, i started having contractions. nothing too bad at first, but they were definitely worse than braxton hicks. so i called my doctor's office, and they said i should go to the hospital to get checked out just in case... so i put zachary in bed and made my way. i guess it was the aftermath of friday the 13th, cause the maternity center was packed! after about an hour of waiting i finally got into a room, they hooked me up to all kinds of machines to monitor the baby's heartbeat, my blood pressure, and the contractions. but then it turns out that the monitor for the contractions was broken, and wasn't picking any of them up after about an hour and a half. so that made me have to stay even longer cause they had to get them on record to see how fast and how intense they were! so after they finally got a new machine, everyone saw that the contractions were actually more intense than what i was feeling, and they were coming at regular intervals. the doctors thought i might be dehydrated, so they hooked me up to an IV for fluids to see if that stopped the contractions, it didn't. if anything it made me more uncomfortable cause i had all kinds of cords in me and around me, i was having contractions, and i had to pee! lol. so then i got some more tests done, and they took a swab sample (from down there) to see if there was a chance i would go into labor in the next 2 weeks. that test came back negative! i was pretty relieved. but i am 1 cm dilated. which is not really a big deal, cause most women can get up to 4 cm dilated and still not have the baby til their due date. but it's scary for me! so to be on the safe side, they gave me a shot of terbutaline to stop the contractions, just to make sure i do not go into preterm labor. and after watching to make sure the contractions did stop, they sent me home.

i actually slept really good last night. passed the eff out! and i woke up feeling slightly not dead at 8 am. cause usually i wake up and just want to stay in bed all day. so last night was pretty scary. i'm glad everything is kind of okay now though, i have to follow up with my OBGYN tomorrow. as much as i want this little girl out, i don't want her to come out early! i just want to fast forward time a little bit lol.

numbers

2-1/2 months 11 weeks 75 days = my due date!
1 month 4 weeks 28 days = moving day!

holy crap..... instead of figuring out all these numbers i really should be cleaning or packing or something... ah! i'm feeling pretty stressed and overwhelmed. there's still sooo much to do! we don't even have an idea of where we're moving to, almost nothing is packed, we have nothing for baby hailey, and the house is a disaster! seriously, i should probably concentrate on cleaning first, but i keep teling myself it'll be easier if i go through cleaning and packing at the same time. i don't know! then i get a couple things clean or put away, and i am so exhausted i have to lay down. i have zero energy these days. and baby hailey is kicking my ass, err... stomach? from the inside. lol. fml. not really.

on a brighter note. matt went fishing this morning with bill and johnny, i was super nervous cause these fishing days never seem to end well anymore, but he came straight home! he's passed out on the couch right now, but at least he came home! and he even cuddled me and played with zachary for a little bit. i love him so much. even when i hate him. i hope he can stay on the right path :-/

it's all catching up to me

i don't know if this is because of the pregnancy, or depression, or what... i've been soo tired lately. even when i'm getting a "full" night of sleep, i still have to take a nap during the day. and when i say "full night of sleep" i mean that i only had to get up once or twice to pee lol. and even with all this sleep at night and naps during the day, i'm feeling no energy to do anything. i have a constant headache and i feel so lazy i just want to stay in bed all day and night.

had a little scare yesterday, wasn't feeling the baby move at all during times that she's usually super active, so i went to the doctor. her heartbeat sounds good and strong :-) so no worries there. guess she was just being lazy. although i am pretty upset, because the doctor decided to change my due date again. according to my last period, i'm due 11/09. i don't care what they say, i know i'm further along than they think. i just know. so i'm sticking with my due date in october. FTW! lol.

and today is the big day on whether we pay the rent or our landlords start the eviction process. i'm pretty sure bill is not going to pay, so we're going to be out on our asses. and even if he does pay, i'm sure the landlords want us out by 09/11 anyways, the day our lease is up. because if they had to go as far as put an eviction notice to try and scare us into paying, why would they let us stay any longer? i don't know what we're going to do. obviously i can go to my mom's house, but i'm not looking forward to sleeping in the living room with zachary for any extended period of time. either way, we're staying here as long as we can, i want zachary to have his normal routine for as long as possible. it's really not fair to the kid that we took away his pacifier, his mommy is too tired to do much of anything, his daddy is never home, and he's going to lose his own room and half his toys, and he's going to have a baby sister in a couple months. it's so much to adjust to and deal with, i'm worried.

on a positive note, he used the potty last night! he randomly asked me to take his diaper off, so he could sit on the potty like a big boy. so he sat down and grunted and pushed a little bit (i could see his little turtle twitching lol) and he peed! just a little sprinkle, but he did it! i was so excited and proud i started dancing around and yelling! which of course got him all excited too... progress! although i don't know how long that's going to last, or if he'll even do it again... but still. it's a step in the right direction!

annnnd today is my momma's birthday! yay! i want to surprise her tonight with some ice cream cake. mmm cake...

nap time.

ugh

i'm so tired but i don't even want to go to bed because i have to share with him.